Good behaviour on social media isn’t an instinct - it’s a skillset. Let’s help our kids acquire it by first examining our own sharing practices.

The number-one rule for posting? Do no harm. But it may be trickier than it sounds.

That selfie of your happy, healthy family may be a true expression of the joy you’re feeling - but it could be a digital kick in the guts to others who are struggling.

What can you do to be mindful of others online without overthinking it or sucking out all the fun?

Start by reviewing your sharing practices, experts advise - starting with the question “Why?”

Examine your motivations 

Be honest. Are you sharing that holiday resort pic because you’re genuinely grateful for the good things life has given you - or because you want others to feel just a tiny twinge of envy? 

Sometimes there’s a very thin line between sharing the joy - and getting a healthy dose of affirmation in the form of likes and comments - and seeking validation through subtle and maybe even unconscious one-upmanship.

Post-vaccination selfies are a case in point, notes Catherine Newman, the Modern Manners columnist for Real Simple magazine. By sharing your good fortune, you may be unwittingly inflicting pain on a friend who has lost a loved one to COVID-19.

Sometimes there’s a very thin line between sharing the joy - and getting a healthy dose of affirmation in the form of likes and comments - and seeking validation through subtle and maybe even unconscious one-upmanship.

The words you choose matter too of course. Corporate protocol expert Diane Gottsman advises reading your draft in multiple tones of voice before you post.

This can help you “hear” how others may interpret your message. Adding an emoticon can send a useful signal about the tone you’ve intended - whether lighthearted, concerned or ironic.

Maybe you’ve honestly never thought about the impact your post may be having on your followers. If so, now’s a good time to start. 

Imagine a megaphone

Because social media platforms can feel so intimate, it’s easy to forget they are first and foremost public spaces. Every time you begin a post, remind yourself that Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and the like are essentially public address systems - yes, even if your account is set to “private.” 

How many of us have “private” accounts that include dozens if not hundreds of followers we have never actually met? And people DO screenshot private posts and may circulate them widely. In fact, it happens all the time. Don’t fool yourself that this couldn’t possibly happen to you because you trust your 500 “friends.”

“If you want to post something negative,” notes tech journalist Courtney Rubin, writing in the New York Times, “keep in mind that what you say or share often says more about you.

“Disagree (respectfully), but avoid sweeping generalisations about entire groups of people - or about one business based on your interaction with a single employee.”

Shaming language should have no place in the content you share, even if you are soliciting funds for a good cause. Instead of “How can you not help ‘x’?” try something less judgmental and guilt-laden.

Remember: apology is a sign of strength

John Wayne’s infamous advice - “Never apologise. It’s a sign of weakness” - remains an article of faith for too many of us, politicians and parents very much included.

“If you accidentally step on someone’s foot, you don’t say, ‘I’m sorry if I stepped on your foot,’” says etiquette consultant Elaine Swann. “You did it. It’s not a question.”

In fact, apologising is just the opposite: It’s a sign of strength. When you realise you’ve made an error, or unknowingly caused hurt online, say so and/or delete the post. 

Avoid conditional apologies that include the words “but” or “if” (“I’m sorry if I offended you” or “I’m sorry you were offended, but I was only stating the facts”). 

“If you accidentally step on someone’s foot, you don’t say, ‘I’m sorry if I stepped on your foot,’” says etiquette consultant Elaine Swann. “You did it. It’s not a question.”

Remember that the best apologies are usually the simplest - “I see your pain. I’m so sorry.”